South Miss. foster parent: Teenagers ‘Need love too’
Prospective foster parents often emerge from those who missed out on a chance to have their own conventional families, or those yearning to resume parenting after their own children have grown up and left the household. For Lance Ratliff’s foster journey, it surfaced as a surprising contradiction to his longstanding defiance.
“I always told my family and friends, and they will vouch I said this, that I would never want to have children and I would never want to get married,” said Lance, a Hattiesburg, Miss., resident.
Now after fostering 10 children, including one he ultimately adopted, the irony is front and center.
Hattiesburg, Miss., resident Lance Ratliff poses with for a photo with his adopted son, James, who he first accepted into his home as a foster child through Apelah Foster Care.
The change in his opinion about parenting originated after he moved north from working at Tupelo’s Toyota manufacturing plant to Rhode Island. It was while living there, Lance said, that he discovered several of his friends - including some in a local auto enthusiasts’ group - were products of foster care homes.
He listened to their disappointing childhood stories and saw their real-time deficiencies negotiating life because of it and told himself he could foster and yield a better outcome for other children. Soon he was in contact with a couple of brothers, one of them a 15-year-old named Jason, who he would eventually foster and officially adopt.
“The one thing I noted about foster care is that adults go into it often only thinking about fostering babies or young children. But it’s the teenagers who get overlooked. That is the group I targeted … they need love too.”
He said the initial experience proved to be very challenging, a sharp parenting learning curve, and “tremendous personal satisfaction.” He learned that a psychological and disciplined approach was critical to fostering.
“I would say near the start to kids arriving that here is how I am going to offer you trust in something, and if you follow through it’s great ahead, but if you fail, then I’m going to have trouble trusting in you in the future,” Lance said. “And that, setting the conditions, proved to be responsive.”
““The one thing I noted about foster care is that adults go into it often only thinking about fostering babies or young children. But it’s the teenagers who get overlooked. That is the group I targeted … they need love too.””
While Jason eventually graduated from high school and is in the Marines, Lance veered course again and has adopted a seven-year-old named Prince James, who comes with his own challenges including ADHD and is autism. Lance has seen improvement in his behavior and learning abilities already.
Perhaps most notably, Lance said the child rejected loud noises, but now, after getting used to riding in Lance’s fast car, likes the noisy speed of the car’s roaring engine.
Marine Jason Ratliff was a foster teenager in Rhode Island before Mississippi native Lance Ratliff took him under his wing and into his home and later adopted. Jason proved to be the first of 11 children that Lance has fostered, including 10 in Hattiesburg, Miss., through Apelah Foster Care.
Brenda Miller, Apelah case worker in the Ocean Springs office, has connected Lance with foster children. She said he is an effective foster parent not only because he is fair and offers much-needed discipline in his house, but because, “Lance is a caring, passionate person.
“He is great with our kids,” she said. “He is so patient, kind, and understanding. He is always willing to give teenagers a chance, and he allows them to be teenagers. He goes the extra mile for each child he fosters.”
Apelah foster services not only connect willing and eligible adults with children in need of a home, Apelah also remains with the foster parents throughout their foster journey ensuring any follow-up support and guidance is provided.
Presently in the Gulf Coast area alone there are almost 700 more children on a foster care waiting list, while statewide there are over 3,000 children in need of a loving family, guidance and support and a brighter future.
To see if you can be a foster parent in Mississippi, contact apelah.org